Grammatically Correct 7/29/08
A weekly grammar tip created by Academic Center Peer Writing Tutors.
University of Houston-Victoria
3007 N. Ben Wilson
Victoria, TX 77901

Eliminating Wordiness

The Author

Sophia Stevens attended UHV until 2007 and will graduate with a B.A. in English from Rice University in May 2009. In her free time, she enjoys traveling and exploring foreign cultures, reading books of choice not assigned in any of her numerous English courses, trying to save the world in small ways, and thinking in paradoxes--and just thinking.

 

 


 

Look back at the title of this tip. It easily could have been “How to Keep from Being Wordy in Your Writing.” But as readers, we would find that wording both lengthy and unnecessary. It can be tempting with all those juicy words out there to use more than are necessary to express an idea clearly. But writing is not only about how much we enjoy wording it; writing must accomplish its goals with the reader in mind.

Recognizing wordiness is the first step to revising it. Read the sentences below.

Ex. NASA announced that the refurbished shuttle’s launch will take place sometime in the near future.

Ex. The castle made of stone and gray in color struck our eyes as a magnificent structure.

These sentences are short, simple sentences. But in writing that calls for brevity and conciseness, certain phrases above could be left out. Consider revising the phrases “sometime in the near future” and “made of stone and gray in color.”

Often, wordiness results from stringing a number of prepositional phrases (of, for, after, by, around, etc.) onto a sentence in place of a single adjective or adverb that says the same thing. Remember, we have access to many descriptive words. Rather than bulking up writing with smaller words that don’t truly “say anything,” why not utilize more precise, descriptive words to convey an idea?

The revised examples below show how simple substitutions can clean up sentences and state the same idea in fewer words.

Ex. NASA announced that the refurbished shuttle’s launch will take place soon.

Ex. The gray stone castle struck our eyes as a magnificent structure.

As you can see, sometimes the word we need isn’t even in the sentence; sometimes, the word is already there but is surrounded by “filler” words. The possibilities for both wordiness and conciseness are boundless, but especially in formal writing, setting some boundaries may be beneficial.

Test Your Knowledge

Test your knowledge of eliminating wordiness by using more precise words in the following sentences. Revise the underlined phrases to make the sentences more concise.

1. A couple of days ago astronomers declared that they are now in the process of debates on the status of Pluto in order to figure out its merit as a planet.

2. Since we walk our only dog every day of the week, we were surprised to hear the veterinarian tell us that her weight was of concern to him.

3. Our family trip to go camping started out well, but there were so many mosquitoes in the campgrounds that they quickly disturbed our comfort.

 



Answers (more than one answer is possible)

1. Two days ago astronomers declared that they are debating Pluto’s status to determine its planetary merit

2. Since we walk our dog daily, we were surprised her weight concerned the veterinarian.

3. Our family camping trip started well, but the campground’s many mosquitoes quickly disturbed our comfort.

 

Suggested Resources

Related Academic Center Resources

Several previous issues of Grammatically Correct have dealt with concision, including a series by Candice Chovanec Melzow: Concise Sentences: Reducing Expletive Constructions (published on 12/6/05), Concise Sentences: Reducing Unnecessary Phrases (12/13/05), Concise Sentences: Reducing Circumlocutions (12/20/05), Concise Sentences: Using Active Verbs (12/27/2005).
 

Recommended Grammar Website of the Week

This week we recommend reading over the various anti-wordiness tips and tricks at Purdue’s site: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_concise.html. The discussion exhausts the ways writing can become long-winded, many of which you may notice involve unnecessary prepositions.

 

 

Grammatically Correct is a grammar tip of the week created by Academic Center Peer Writing Tutors at the University of Houston-Victoria in Victoria, Texas.

Comments about this newsletter should be directed to Summer Leibensperger, leibenspergers@uhv.edu.

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